


When Things Are Hard I’ll Run With You, Don’t Worry

by Pascel_Archer



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Bang Chan is his therapist, College, Eventual Smut, Felix goes to therapy, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, Lee Felix-centric (Stray Kids), Lee Minho | Lee Know-centric, M/M, Minor Hwang Hyunjin/Yang Jeongin | I.N, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Alternating, and, but it's so much deeper than that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 01:00:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28947816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pascel_Archer/pseuds/Pascel_Archer
Summary: It all started with a rather angry looking delivery boy and a sense of empathy that felt more like a burden than anything else. Now Felix has to figure out how to navigate new relationships while Minho wants nothing more than to fix his own. What happens when they're thrown into the same ones with nowhere to go but through?Alt: Felix doesn't want friends but ends up with them anyway and Minho just needs a hug
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Kudos: 6





	1. Felix

**Author's Note:**

> I'm trying something new, and I'm not sure how well it will go. Feel free to give me criticism in the comments and let me know what I should fix/change : )

Dear Diary, October 14  
I know there are things that make me happy, I just can’t seem to remember them. I can vaguely recall the feeling of a cool breeze against my cheeks and the appreciative feeling this invoked but when I try to remember why the breeze made me feel as such I can’t. It’s like pretending to sleep when someone enters your room. You know someone’s there you just aren’t sure who as they respect that you are sleeping and won’t mess with you. Happiness seems to evade me in the same way, and I’m not quite sure when it decided too. Sometimes I think it’s extremely unfair and other times I’m too down to worry much of it. I say it’s fine but deep down, I’m aware that it’s not, at least that’s what Dr. Bang says. He says that I’m so self-aware of my unhappiness that it’s the main cause of it. We didn’t have time for me to ask what he meant. Dr. Bang also says that I surround myself with objects that insight nostalgia inside myself because I never had the opportunity to make many good memories as a child, so I give myself the illusion of such. This sounds like every movie trope ever, but I think he’s right. If he weren’t, my father wouldn’t keep paying for my visits. My father says I’m getting better, says he talks to Dr. Bang and he only ever says good things. If that’s true then why do I not feel better? Is Dr. Bang lying to my father when there is no obvious results? Is Dr. Bang lying to me when he says I’m doing good, that it was a big step for me to raise my hand in class and answer a question the teacher asked? Would he still say that if I had told him that I had a panic attack afterwards because I got it wrong? It wasn’t my fault; everyone was staring at me. Judging me. I haven’t spoken to anyone since and sometimes I think that’s best  
xx Felix 

It was only as the honey-coloured rays of the dying sun filtered through the window above his bed and scattered light across his desk did he shut the faux leather-bound book that had been a birthday gift years ago from some distant relative. The spine was cracking in places from the many times Felix had opened it then shut it again upon finding that he had nothing to say. His name, which had been written in golden cursive, had long ago scraped away leaving specks of cheap paint in the centre that seemed to not know how to let go. The shiny black of the colour was also wearing away at a leisurely pace, some spaces becoming a dull grey. Felix opened the top drawer and dropped it inside before standing up. The desk itself was rather bare save a cup of multicoloured pens and a glass kangaroo figurine that fit in the palm of his hand, a momentum from his last trip to Australia. It sat on an old book presumably from the 1900’s that advertised old beauty and health tips, though the title had long since faded. He had bought not because he was interested in beauty tips from that era, or because he was relatively interested in the era at all, but because the colour made him feel warm. The burnt sienna of the spine and chocolaty colour of the ribbon bookmark just reminded him of a distant home he had or at least believed he did. It also went perfectly with the deep oak of his desk, one he found at a garage sale with a tag advertising it was free as long as the buyer could get it home by themselves. It had barely fit in the car he had rented for that purpose, but he got it home. 

He turned away from his desk, deciding it would be best to find something to eat since he hadn’t all day. Unhealthy yes, but he had been busy, and the notion had slipped his mind. And if he had dismissed his alarm that reminded him every day at noon without a second thought, well that was his business. 

As usual, the fridge was bare of anything edible, the only thing he had being condiments he didn’t remember buying. There was also an old container of rice he bought a week before but when he looked into it he found that it was turning grey and furry. Surprising feat for something bought mere days before but it wasn’t impressive enough for him to keep as he tossed it in the trash. He really wasn’t in the mood to bother with take out as it would be the third time this week he used it and he was worried he was becoming bloated. He pinched his cheek between his middle and index fingers as if to see if he was or not. He couldn’t tell so he grabbed his phone off charge and opened Door dash with the false promise of going to the grocery store the next day. He barely had to think as he made his order and paid with the credit card that never seemed to run out of money but always came with a price of talking to his parents every week. Something he only did out of necessity.

As he waited for is food to arrive, he decided to clean up the main area, since he had notes and textbooks seemingly everywhere, the product of exam week. He started with the coffee table, which was piled with study packets and two books he was supposed to read for English Literature. The Catcher and the Rye failed to catch his attention and Pride and Prejudice wasn’t any better. Once he went through each and every packet thoroughly to make sure there was nothing of importance in either and he was finally able to see his table again, their was a knock on his door. Felix had been so engrossed by his organizing he had seemingly forgotten about having ordered anything but was glad when he did as his stomach rumbled. He called out that he was coming before moving around a few fallen textbooks and making it to the door. 

Outside was a boy that seemed no older than Felix’s twenty years, his face resembling one of a squirrel oddly enough. He didn’t say much as he handed the bag of food over, looking rather preoccupied with his own thoughts to bother, Felix was barely able to get out a have a good night before he was walking away. Felix couldn’t bring himself to be angry at the boy, everyone had their days and Felix had plenty where he didn’t want to speak to anyone or have anyone speak to him for that matter. All he could do was send happy thoughts to the squirrel boy as he shut his door. 

The addicting smell of tteokbokki filled the air once he unpacked the bag, further reminding him of how long it had been since he had eaten. He made quick work of the container, popping the clear steam covered top off and tossing it on the coffee table as he pulled apart the provided chopsticks. He finally leaned back, propping his feet up on the table as he began to eat. 

After he was thoroughly full, even with about a third of the container still full, he cleaned up before going back to his room. He had an early class the next day and since it was the beginning of the quarter they would be getting new rubrics as well as a schedule. The last time he had missed the first class of the new quarter he had fallen immediately behind. It hadn’t helped he was just starting to grasp the Korean language either. It had made him forget why he had moved there in the first place. 

Felix switched off his bedside lamp, making sure his alarm was set for six, even if he only had to be up at seven. It took him an hour to get out of bed anyway. 

Normally, the artificial orange glow of the streetlights shining through his window would keep him awake, but tonight it made him feel calm, relaxed him somehow. It seemed to drape a warm blanket over the room as his heavy eyelids fell shut. Tonight, he didn’t even try to keep them open.


	2. Minho

“Thank you for choosing Weeny Beeny Candy Store, did you find everything alright?” Minho asked, smiling sweetly at the group of young girls, no older than ten, who were staring up at the many displays of candy on the counter with starry eyes and already sticky faces. 

“Yes, thank you” the woman smiled, handing over the bags of customized candy. 

“Would you like a complimentary bag of chocolate of your choosing, free with every purchase over ₩55,000” he asked. The woman accepted hesitantly, knowing as soon as she picked up one the children would begin to ask for it as well. Luckily for her, the girls were too busy staring at Minho that she was able to pick up a box with out them realizing. “Ah, the Cheesecake Clusters, great choice” he smiled, placing the chocolate in its own bag before accepting her card. He held out a jar of dum-dums to the girls, offering them each one, promising that it would be their little secret. The girls looked at him as though he was the owner of the universe as they each took one, sending up cheerful thank you’s, one of them trying to quiet them down because it was a secret. It wasn’t, the jar of lollipops were there to hand out to the kids to prevent them from asking for more from their parents and it worked, but it was always nice to add a bit of fun to it. The woman looked both grateful and annoyed at the idea that they were getting more candy, but she thanked Minho none the less, promising to fill out his customer service survey. He smiled and waved them off even though he knew once she started her car, the only thing on her mind would be to get the girls home and calm before anything else, the survey would never resurface again until she finally had some down time. It was fine, she wouldn’t remember his name anyway. 

“You’re really great with kids” one of his co-workers, Jamie, said smiling. It wasn’t much coming from her, she was so awkward around the kids when they came in, her smile looking more lie a grimace as she rang up the candy, but it still made Minho smile.

“Ah well, when you date one it gets easy” he laughed, recalling the first time Jisung had visited him at work. He had been stopping by after class and ended up missing his next one as he looked around the store in amazement. Jamie laughed and went back to refilling the many containers of gummies and chocolate. 

Minho stifled a yawn as a group of teenagers walked in, four of them to be exact. It looked like they were having a double date if the way one of the guys hand never left his girlfriends ass the entire time meant anything. Minho would’ve said something, but he wasn’t worried, at least that’s all it was. This was a family establishment and he really didn’t want to have to shoo them out for making out beside the rock candy, rolling his eyes when the boy said with a smugness that ‘come on man, I was just getting my rocks off’ as though he wasn’t the only one who had ever thought of that. It wasn’t even creative. 

His eyes followed the group for a little bit, dancing between the one couple who was taking pictures by the jellybean dispensers and the other two who were cooing over the food shaped gummy candy. They weren’t causing any trouble but the one who just walked in just might. 

“Jeongin, what do you need?” he asked as he approached the counter. He seemed to be dressed up, wearing a soft looking blouse that ended just above a black skirt that swished around the tops of his knees when he moved. At least he was wearing a hoodie to combat the cold air, even if half of it was hanging off showcasing his collar bones and shoulders. Minho had half the mind to get him a parka, not wanting so much of the nineteen-year old’s skin on display where strangers could ogle at him. 

“What do you mean? Maybe I just wanted something to satisfy my sweet tooth” he played innocent, hitting a pack of candy cigarettes against the palm of his hand. 

“The only sweet thing you consume are jello shots, what do you want?”

“I thought they stopped making these because it taught skids how to smoke go something” he gestured to the box he was holding. 

“Jeongin” Minho warned. 

“Alright fine, you know Hwang Hyunjin, right?” he asked. Minho knew it. Jeongin had been crushing on Hyunjin for the past year, ever since he had run into him while the blonde was leaving the shop and he was walking in, back when he still had his braces and was too self-conscious to wear skirts and dresses. 

“You know I know him” Minho narrowed his eyes, noting that his collar bones sparkled under the overhead lights. “Are you wearing body glitter?” he asked but was ultimately ignored when Jeongin spoke.

“I want his number but he’s either always dancing or reading a book about dancing, and although I think he looks really handsome with his glasses on, I never want to interrupt him, so-“

“I’m not giving you his number, that’s an extreme invasion of privacy” Minho interrupted, his heart melting slightly at Jeongin. Everyone who talked about Hyunjin to Minho always described him as hot or sexy, never something as sweet and domestic as handsome and Minho wanted nothing more than to hide Jeongin away from the undeserving world. 

“No, I know, I just want to catch him when he isn’t so distracted, like in his free time. Can you at least tell me when he has a break throughout the day? I can talk to him when he isn’t busy, please?” he begged, adopting a look that could only be described as a teary eyed puppy. Or a fox since he was so damn sly. 

“Fine, he has classes at nine and noon, sometimes at three, on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, Tuesday’s and Thursdays he has classes and ten and two, he practices every day from five to seven in the dance hall. Find him between those times” he suggested. Jeongin smiled happily, pulling out a note pad and a pen. 

“Can you repeat that?” he asked. 

Once Jeongin had his notes and the box of candy cigarettes that Minho forced him to buy tucked away, he skipped out of the store, his head held high as the dying sun painted his skin a warm gold, was Minho able to clock out. Well, almost. He still had to check out the group of teenagers and then put in his till, but then he could clock out. He was practically buzzing by the time the teens finally approached the counter that he didn’t even care when the girl openly flirted with him in front of her boyfriend, he just rang up there candy, recited the same thing he had been reciting the past few months, offer a receipt, and watch them go. 

Taking off his apron had never been so freeing, Minho thought, as he hung it in his locker along with his visor. He felt as though he could finally breathe as he undid the first two buttons on his mandatory white button up, his black jeans not even that constricting as he unlocked his car. Nothing could destroy his good mood, nothing. 

Jisung wasn’t home. Jisung wasn’t home and the heat was off, so the apartment was kind of cold and Soonie, Doongie, and Dori were curled up in a ball amidst a tattered shirt they decided to shred while he was gone. He frowned, preparing to scold them. It was his favourite shirt too. He swept up the remains, tossing them in the trash before turning on the heat, shivering as it kicked on and the temperature rose. After a shower, his mood would be back to where it was surely, he’d feel better and he’d cook dinner and wait for Jisung to get home and they could spend some well needed time together. 

It was nearing eleven o’clock and Jisung wasn’t home and Minho’s messages had gone unanswered. He wouldn’t be to worried if he weren’t aware that his shift had ended two hours before and Jisung always texted him if he were going to be late. Always. 

It was nearing twelve when Minho’s eyes snapped open to the sound of the door shutting. He heard Jisung kick his shoes off by the door, grumbling under his breath as he did so. Minho gathered his bearings, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand as he stood. 

“Is everything okay?” he asked blearily. Jisung looked at him hard for a few seconds before rolling his eyes and going down the hallway. “Sung?” Minho asked, frowning. Had he done something? Minho usually prided himself in being self-aware, but sometimes he still did things without realizing it. 

“Hannie?” he asked as he entered their shared room to see Jisung gathering clothes to shower. 

“What?” he asked sharply, and Minho could feel Jisung irritation mingling with his own half sleep state and he began to grow annoyed himself. 

“You get home three hours late and don’t even bother to respond to my texts asking if you were okay, that’s what” Minho frowned.

“Sorry, forgot you were my keeper” Jisung said sarcastically, brushing past him. 

“No, I didn’t say that it’s just you always text me when you’ll he home late and I was worried’ he tried to keep himself calm as Jisung brushed past him, his shoulder catching his own a little roughly. 

“Sorry, I forgot to tell you my every move, don’t get so pissy”.

“Wha-I’m not!” he defended, but before he could say anything else, the bathroom door was slammed in his face. He was confused, utterly confused. He hadn’t done anything except worry for his boyfriend, he wasn’t sure what was so wrong with that. 

“I’m sorry if I did something to upset you, Jisung, I really am, just talk to me” he called through the door. 

Jisung didn’t talk to him again, even after he was bathed and dressed, leaving the bathroom as he towel dried his hair. 

“Jisung, what’s wrong?” Minho tried again, only to be ignored by Jisung who tossed his towel in the dirty clothes hamper, climbed under the comforter, and flicked his lamp off with an air of finality that not even Minho dare dispute.


	3. Felix

It took a good twenty minutes for him to even register that his alarm was sill ringing. He cut it off, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Once he was able to open them all the way, he stumbled out bed, his foot getting tangled in the sheets. 

As he gathered clothes for a shower the sun finally began its ascent over the horizon, the sky lighting up with the promise of day. Felix wanted to cry. A shower would help. 

The hot water, which rarely exceeded ten minutes, did its best to untangle his knotted muscles as he scrubbed over his body, the scent of strawberry filling the enclosed space. It was the simplicity of the actions he went through that helped him ready himself for the day. Waking up was never his strong suit, although he had outgrown throwing childish fits long before, it was still rough some mornings. He was sure there was some explanation for his irrational reaction, but he couldn’t do much about it. 

He dried off as best he could, his thighs aways seeming to retain water, the fact making itself known in the way his jeans seemed to drag over them slowly with enough difficulty to make him annoyed as well as be uncomfortable enough to make his stomach hurt. He crouched down as he pulled his shirt on, trying to fix the clinginess of the material. It worked well enough that the uneasiness died down significantly and he was able to continue with getting ready. 

His shoes were relatively easy to locate, as well as his bag which was freshly organised from the previous day. He took a deep breath as he slid on his coat before leaving the apartment. The hallway was empty like it usually was at this hour, people were either still sleeping or already gone to work or class or wherever it was his neighbours went during the days if they went anywhere at all, if he had neighbours at all. He had never really met any of the other people living on his floor and the thought made the empty hallway more eery, made him feel more alone in the world than he already was. He wasn’t in the mood to think about that as he pressed the call button for the elevator. It had only recently been fixed but it had already started making that weird humming noise whenever it moved, the pitch seeming as though it was higher when it was going up and lower on its descent. Part of Felix rationalized that it was just his brain making him perceive it as such but that didn’t stop him from hearing the high humming as it raised to his floor. The door opened and he stepped in, humming along to the lower pitch as it went to the ground floor. 

The ‘lobby’ for all intents and purposes was also empty. It almost always was, it was always dark too since the light bulbs at the front had been blown for the past month and a half. The desk where a manager had sat the first few weeks of Felix living there had long since stopped showing up and whenever people needed help they went behind the counter and called for it themselves. Felix always wondered where the manager had gone but he didn’t care enough to ask the people he didn’t know (or didn’t know of). He had more important things to do like study and go to class and therapy. Sometimes he watered the large plant by the door but only when it visibly looked wilted. 

Felix pushed the door open, pulling cold air into the subtle warmth of the building, disrupting the restless energy in it. For a place that almost always seemed deserted, it had an awfully tangible energy to it; it made Felix feel small. 

Luckily for him, there was already a taxi parked out front for a reason he wasn’t sure of. Someone might have called for it but since there was no one around he got in, not letting the thought of someone realizing their taxi wasn’t there and having to call another bother him. That was for late nights when the sleep deprivation got to him. 

A man sat in the drivers seat looking through a magazine that seemed to be a few weeks old. 

“Um, hello?” Felix asked timidly. He didn’t look up just switched on the meter and questioned where he wanted to go. Felix glanced around the car, eyeing a keychain with a fuzzy cat figurine connected to the end hanging from the rear view. He couldn’t help feeling as though he had seen it before. “Uh, Bugahyeon” he informed, farther inspecting the cab. The keychain wasn’t the only cat themed object, the steering wheel cover was covered in paw prints and there was cat stickers on the meter. If Felix were more comfortable with people he would ask if the man had cats of his own. But he wasn’t so he didn’t, he just sat back as he pulled away from the curb, stopping almost immediately at a red light. 

The mans phone buzzed, the screen lighting up to reveal a picture of three cats sitting around another man, which Felix recognized as the delivery boy from the night before. 

“You know him?” he suddenly asked, unable to keep his curiosity to himself. If this man knew that man than maybe he would know what was up with him. Felix wasn’t usually one to dwell on other people’s moods since he often got to empathetic towards them, but if he had the opportunity to wish someone well, he would take it, awkwardness aside. 

“Yeah, he’s a friend of mine” he sounded hesitant and Felix could tell in his voice that he meant more to him than that, if the fact he was the lock screen wasn’t big enough of an indicator. 

“Well, he delivered my food last night and he seemed…I don’t know, upset, is he okay?” Felix asked. The man stiffened, reaching over to cut the phone off. 

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business” he said curtly. Felix fell silent, feeling as though the conversation should end there. It was clear he had overstepped some boundaries and he was aware how nosy he seemed, asking some stranger about another stranger’s emotions. He let it go, leaning back in his seat. 

“He’s fine, don’t worry about him too much” he said, startling Felix. 

“Okay, thank you, sorry” he smiled as best he could. The tension in the air diminished a little bit at that, the unease Felix had felt smoothing over until it was a dull blip in his mind. 

He could see the university coming into sight, an impressive building made of metal and cement and glass. It had been intimidating Felix’s freshmen year but lost its lore a few months into his second, the one he was currently trying to survive. The car stopped, pulling over closer to the side walk so Felix could get out. He handed over his card as he climbed out, accepting it back through the window. 

“Have a good day, I apologise if I over stepped any boundaries back there” he smiled nervously, only relaxing when the man returned it albeit smally. 

“It’s alright, I’m sure you had good intentions and Jisung will be flattered that you cared enough to worry about him” he nodded, rolling the window back up. The words ‘even if you’re a stranger’ hanging in the air, not needing to be said to be heard. Felix nodded solemnly as the man pulled away from the curb, making his way back down the road. It was a weird coincidence that this man knew the delivery boy, or Jisung as he called him, intimately even, but Felix didn’t worry to much about it. It was a small world if you thought about it and boy did Felix think about it. 

The campus was already swarmed with students going or coming from classes, everyone seeming to fit perfectly into a group of people. Felix almost envied them until he remembered that the reason he didn’t have friends was because didn’t try to make any. Always declining when someone asked if he wanted to study with them or when someone asked if he wanted to grab coffee. He always made an excuse about having prior engagements and he only ever did half the time. The idea of friends was nice but the drama and heart ache that came with having them was enough to swear Felix to a life loneliness. It wasn’t ideal but it was easy and that was all Felix could ask for. 

He made his way across the school grounds, effectively dodging other students as he walked. It was going smoothly, not having bumped into anyone the entire walk, that was until he got a notification he dared to look at. No one seemed to be coming in his direction and it wouldn’t take long. He was shocked when he collided into another body, books and papers scattering like mice. 

“I am so sorry!” the victim of Felix’s unintentional attack exclaimed before he could. It left him flustered as he was sorry as well, but he couldn’t disregard the others apology. 

“It’s-it’s perfectly alright, are you alright?” stammered dropping down to assist the boy in gathering his things. 

“I’m fine, truly, I should have been paying attention” he said, equally as shaken up by the collision. Felix nodded, handing him what looks like a story board of different movements. “I’m Hyunjin by the way” he said, and Felix’s heart sank. He really didn’t need to know that that was an open invitation to friendship, and he wasn’t ready. He was fine without friends, he really was. 

“I’m Felix” he supplied, maybe this boy was just being nice. Felix finally dared to meet his gaze, assessing his features in the process. It was only then that he could classify this stranger as a man as opposed to a boy. He was all sharp angles and gentle eyes. He had by passed boy hood as though he had passed go and used the two hundred dollars to buy the prettiest face Felix had ever seen, the mere sight making him self-conscious of his own boyish features. He seemed to be staring, only realizing when the others face turned a faint pink as he looked away. 

“I know” he blurted, the colour that was once light turning darker at the admission. “I mean, we’re in the same dance class” he informed. Felix frowned. “I actually didn’t see you; did you skip?” he asked curiously. Felix’s face fell. 

“No, what do you mean did I skip? I was on my way there now” he frowned. Hyunjin looked sympathetic and Felix wanted to disappear. 

“You missed it; Professor Kim rescheduled last week remember? He had a meeting during hour normal time, so he said to come an hour early” Felix felt like crying again. 

“But we got out new schedules and rubrics today, I needed to be in that class” he argued. He knew it was fruitless for him to be angry what was done was done and had he been paying attention before he would know. 

“Don’t worry, he left copies of both on his desk and I recorded the lesson so you can just borrow my tape recorder and get the notes, or we can go to the library and I can go over mine with you” Hyunjin offered and Felix realized he was stuck. Stuck with Hyunjin for the time being. He had no choice; he couldn’t exactly ask Professor Kim to go over the whole lecture again just for him. “Come on, I’ll walk with you” Hyunjin smiled as he stood up. Felix accepted his outstretched hand, following him in the direction he came.


	4. Minho

The autumn breeze made it’s presence known as he gently whistled through the cracked window, blowing cool air into Minho’s ear, no doubt turning the skin red. He didn’t mind though, steadily flipping through the pages of his people’s magazine, taking in the names of articles but not delving farther into them. He had taken the magazine from the dentists office by accident, having carried it out the building while talking to a dental assistant who needed help getting things from her car. He didn’t even realize when he was in his own car that it was still rolled up and tucked into his back pocket. It wasn’t his best moment, but he couldn’t return it, that would be embarrassing. 

So, the least he could do was read it. Or look at it. his mind was currently focused on other things, as it had been the past few weeks, ever since he started working parttime at the candy shop, things had been harder then before. Not just because he had a second job, he’d had a second job the majority of his college career but having graduated and still having to pulling extra shifts was not what he planned on ding with his life. Maybe that was why everything felt strained, he was doing to much at one time and it never went well when you did that. 

He only realised he had been staring at the same had for the past few minutes when the back door to the taxi he was sitting in opened. He never had passengers this early in the morning, that was why he parked outside this building, it seemed no one lived there except for one boy who constantly walked in front of the car before crossing the street. Maybe he had a thing against taxis. He didn’t worry to much as he flipped the switch to start the meter and asked for the location. 

“Uh, Bugahyeon” he offered, and Minho didn’t bothering typing it into the GPS, he knew exactly where the campus was, having spent four years of his life there. He had lived in a dorm though, which was a good thing since it was cheaper and he didn’t have to worry about bills that weren’t the exceedingly high semester fees. Scholarships only got you so far. 

He pulled away from the curb, not wanting to cost the boy anymore money than needed, he remembered what it was like buying things with spare change and he wouldn’t want to cost anyone that. He almost cursed when the light turned red just as he reached it, sending silent apologies to the boy. He was probably late today, that was why he was taking the taxi instead of walking like he often did. He vaguely heard the rough vibrating of his phone against the faux leather of the passenger seat and he didn’t worry about it as he tapped an unsteady rhythm into the wheel. 

“You know him?” he suddenly spoke up, startling him lightly. Who was this guy, looking at his phone. Did he know that that wasn’t normal? 

“Yeah, he’s a….friend of mine” his hesitation was palpable in the small car and he almost winced. 

“Well, he delivered my food last night and he seemed…I don’t know, upset, is he okay?” he continued, and Minho bit his tongue to keep from saying anything rude. 

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business” he said shortly, wanting this conversation to be over. How could he tell a complete stranger that, no, he probably wasn’t okay, and it was all his own fault? The boy didn’t say anything else after that, falling eerily silent in the back. Minho could practically taste the anxiety radiating from his small body. Shit, he shouldn’t have been such a dick, no wonder he and Jisung were on the outs. Again.

“He’s fine, don’t worry about him too much” he offered, it wasn’t much but hopefully it would put the boys mind at ease. He really needed to work on talking to people, what he deemed normal behaviour could end up ruining someone’s day for all he knew. 

“Okay, thank you, sorry” he said quickly, sounding so much like Jisung when he was scolded or upset that it made him want to pull over and swear to the boy that it was fine and offer to pay the fee as well as dry him anywhere he needed to just to make him not feel so bad, but he didn’t have the money for that, so he stayed quiet, parking against the curb, cutting the meter. The boy handed over his card as he got out, stopping beside the window. 

“Have a good day, I apologise if I over stepped any boundaries back there” he was nervous, Minho could tell in the way his eyes were downcast and his mouth wasn’t sure whether to smile or frown, switching between the two as though it were a particularly strong twitch. 

“It’s alright, I’m sure you had good intentions and Jisung will be flattered that you cared enough to worry about him” offered, handing the card back. The boy was shaking as he took it. Minho, for his own peace of mind, assumed it was the cold and not because he found him particularly frightening. 

He took the time to check his phone. It was Jisung and part of Minho wanted so desperately for it to be a simple ‘I love you, I didn’t mean anything I said last night, and I know you didn’t either’ but instead it was just him saying he was calling off from work and skipping class, so they wouldn’t be having coffee together like they usually did. Minho sent a thumbs up, not trusting himself enough not to spill every single thought that involved Jisung in his head. He pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes briefly, ordering himself to take a few calming breaths. It was fine, he was fine. They were going to be fine.


	5. Felix

Hyunjin was quite talkative. The entire walk back to the classroom was full of his rambling, talking about seemingly anything that came to his mind. Felix was surprised to say the least. He had expected the walk to hold that first meeting awkwardness he had always tacked onto meeting new people, but Hyunjin seemed to throw every conception he had out the window. At one point he even began talking about his childhood which wasn’t something you talked about, at least not in the in-depth way he did, upon just meeting. Felix found himself sending mental thank you’s to him as he didn’t have to talk. 

“My mom always told me that if I wanted to do something that it was up to me to do it, that relying on others for my happiness is a sure-fire way to lead an unhappy life, she said that a lot, every cause was a ‘sure fire way’ that lead to something. Didn’t matter if it was good or bad, it was sure fire and that always made me picture fire when I was a kid, not so much as when I grew up, when I got older it was just a phrase she said too often. I never minded, and sometimes I say it” he rambled on as they entered the building, only pausing to wave to a few other people. Felix was quiet, not sure if this little anecdote prompted a response or not, he just waited for him to continue which he inevitably would. Something told him Hyunjin would never stop talking on his own. He was right too as he immediately picked up where he left off. 

It wasn’t annoying though, the way Felix assumed it would be. It was actually quite amusing at times; he was so used to existing in between conversations that he forgot how interesting having one could be. Not that he was contributing much. 

Hyunjin’s voice echoed along the walls as they made their way deeper into the building where the foot traffic lightened since there weren’t any classes for the next hour or so, the stairs leading down into the centre of the building bare of anyone besides the two as they walked side by side, or one in front of the other. Hyunjin had significantly longer legs than Felix as his strides were larger which led to Felix trailing slightly behind. It was a relief when they got to the classroom, as Professor Kim was still at his desk. Felix immediately began to apologize for missing class, much too the teachers surprise and slight dismay. 

“It’s alright Felix, you didn’t miss anything too important, grab a schedule and a rubric and don’t worry to much, I see you’re with Hyunjin, lucky for you he brings his little tape recorder every day, so he has a full copy of the class” he reassured, entering something into his computer. Probably Felix’s attendance. 

“Tape recorder?” Felix found himself asking, his mouth seemingly on auto pilot at this point.

“Yeah, it’s much more efficient than my phone since my phone can run out of storage. With a tape recorder all you have to do is take out the tape and put in an empty one. Plus they are much easier to keep track of, just label the date and the subject and you are good to go” Felix nodded as he stapled the pages together and slipped them into his Dance composition class. Normally they were in one of the studios for it except on the first few weeks of a new quarter since they took that time to get some essays in. Felix honestly preferred staying up into the late hours of the night practicing for the evaluation at the end of each quarter, at least then he didn’t have to worry about losing any documents. 

“Alright you two, I’m off to a meeting, close the door behind you but make sure it isn’t locked, Dr. Jeon lost his keys again” he reminded, leaving them in silence as Felix skimmed the pages. It was quiet until Hyunjin spoke up, startling him slightly. 

“Do you think you’ll want to pair up for the evaluation?” he asked. This question startled Felix in more ways then one. He had been perfectly content with taking the notes then leaving it at that, but he couldn’t exactly ‘leave it at that’ after spending an entire quarter together. That’s not how friendship worked, not really. 

“I’ve never done a group dance with someone, I’m always alone which is cool but gets old. If the school thinks I’m a one trick pony they’ll kick me out of the circus and if they do that, I’ll have to go into law which is boring, I know because my sister went into law and complained the entire time” he rambled. Felix was prepared to say no, prepared to forget the notes, and leave him there. But he did have a good point. The school was picky when it came to their students, if they thought you weren’t versatile enough, thought you weren’t able to do more than just one thing, chances were you would be let go. Felix hadn’t thought about the fact he too had only ever done solo dances, the past five evaluations, that was way to many solo’s and Felix could only come up with so much. 

“Okay” he agreed not because he wanted too, because he had too. His parents would be livid if they found out they let him pursue his dreams only for him to fail at it. Hell, he’d be livid. 

Hyunjin smiled wide at that, hooking his arm through the others as they left the room.

Leaves danced their way across the sidewalk and street as they sat inside a nearby café that Hyunjin said was the best place for coffee. The wind was blowing, it seemed, as the gold and red trees swayed freely. Felix realized he would forever associate autumn with Hyunjin, with his shoulder length blonde hair and brown sweater vest. Would always be reminded of the quick way in which change occurred, like the changing of leaves and cooling of temperature. It all seemed to happen at the drop of a hat and so was his meeting Hyunjin on the side walk. He would forever remind him of warm colours and even warmer drinks, the packing away of warm weather outfits and the pulling out of sweaters and coats. He wasn’t sure of this was a good thing or not as Autumn was his favourite season and Hyunjin was a fairly new presence in his life. Latching on now was a bad idea, especially if he wasn’t really into the friendship thing, or so he told himself. 

He couldn’t deny the way his heart swelled at the notion of not sitting alone in a coffee shop, at sharing funny stories and making their own. He tried to suppress the many thoughts that only having a friend could bring on like going to parties together or studying like they were now or sleepovers. He had never had a sleep over before, at least not one that he could remember. He had gone to a boarding school his entire grade school career so every night could be considered a sleep over if he had gotten along with his roommates. 

His thoughts were whisked away by one of the baristas walking over with their drinks, setting the respective ones in front of the other. She gave Hyunjin a lingering smile, waiting for him to take a sip of his Middle秋Bassing which was a seasonal drink they made during the autumn months. Felix stared into his own plain chamomile and mint tea as he waited for her to leave. Eventually she did after Hyunjin stared at her with a questioning gaze that left her blushing and muttering apologies. Felix would’ve laughed had he not been embarrassed for her. 

“So, how often do you come here?” he asked once she disappeared. 

“To the Seongwangsu House? Oh all the time! One of my friends works here, to bad their shift isn’t until later” he shrugged, taking another sip of his drink before pulling his tape recorder out of his bag. 

“You have something to write with right?” he asked, smiling kindly. “If not I have some pens” he offered, already reaching back into his bag. 

“I have something” he reassured, reaching into his own, pulling his pencil case out. 

The two fell into an easy silence, the only sound being the gritty recording of the previous lesson. As he took notes, he found himself wondering why he didn’t use a tape recorder for classes, the audio quality reminded him of an old record, making him forget he had to do this at all, instead making it seem like a hobby. He drug his highlighter over a particularly important date, frowning as the line wavered slightly. If he were at home, sitting at his desk, he would have his ruler to make sure it stayed straight. He wasn’t and he didn’t so he embraced the crooked work.

The door opened, letting in the cool air of fall, the sounds of traffic outside bleeding into the calm ambience of the café as it slowly swung shut. Felix wouldn’t usually pay any mind to new customers, but this one stopped beside their table and began to chat to Hyunjin. He sounded close to the taller boy, a playful lilt to his tone. It wasn’t until Hyunjin said his name that he realized the newcomer was insinuating that they were on a date. 

“Nah, this is just Felix, we ran into each other on campus” his eyes crinkled up at how wide he as smiling.

“Oh, well, nice to meet you Felix, my names Changbin” Felix took the outstretched hand, shaking it carefully. He didn’t know anyone who still shook hands, especially not people their age. 

“You too” he said quietly. 

“I thought you didn’t work until later” Hyunjin spoke up before Changbin tried to talk to him anymore. 

“Normally I wouldn’t, but I took over for Jisung, he called in saying he wasn’t feeling well” Changbin shrugged. 

“Jisung?” Felix asked, perking up at that. 

“You know him?” Changbin asked. 

“Not really, but you are the second person I ran into that does, this morning the man driving my cab had a picture of a Jisung as his lock screen, is he really not well? He delivered my dinner last night and he didn’t seem to be in a good mood” he frowned. Changbin nodded.

“That’s Minho-hyung, he’s been dating Jisung for almost two years but lately they’ve been going through a kind of rough patch, money’s tight you know, so they both have multiple jobs which leaves them tired and tense all the time and the only outlet they have is each other but those two, you know, they aren’t very good at talking about their negative feelings, which can lead to fights which can lead to Jisung sleeping on my couch on most nights because he doesn’t like when Minho is angry-“ Hyunjin shut up one Changbin elbowed him in the side, giving him a stern look. “Sorry, sorry” Hyunjin held his hands up as though he was surrendering. 

“I wonder why you keep coming in contact with people in relation to him” 

“Maybe they are soulmates” Hyunjin offered, a starry look in his eyes. 

“Jisung says Minho’s his soulmate” Changbin rolled his eyes. 

“Not that kind of soulmate, a friend soulmate, just like romantic soulmates, everyone has a platonic one that they are destined to befriend” Hyunjin supplied. Felix shook his head. 

“I don’t believe in that stuff, it’s probably just a coincidence” Felix shrugged, sipping his tea. Hyunjin just smiled that smile that never left his face and shook his head. 

“I believe it, I believe in all of it” he sighed dreamily. 

“Hyunjin’s been searching for his soulmate since he came here, claiming he went to the same school as us, he’s sure of it, I call bull but hey, what do I know” he shrugged, patting Hyunjin’s shoulder gently before bowing out, going behind the counter to clock in. 

“Do you really believe in soulmates Hyunjin?” Felix asked. It was a nice thought; it was just one that Felix didn’t share. 

“Totally, Binnie and I are platonic soulmates, I know because we went to the same kindergarten class before I moved to Las Vegas when I was a kid. Then when I moved back, to a different district might I add, he was in every one of my classes, we only talked at school until we started working at the same convenience store, then we got excepted into the same university, I convinced him we had to best friends or the universe would be lying, and the universe is never wrong” he recalled. Felix just smiled at him before pressing play on the tape recorder. 

He managed to finish his notes before his noon alarm went off, causing him to jump slightly before fishing it out of his bag to stop it. 

“I have to go; I’ll see you around” Felix announced. 

“Wait, let me walk you, I have a class soon anyway” he suggested, gathering his own materials. 

“Oh, I’m not going to a class” he frowned. Hyunjin made a noise of realization. 

“Where are you going then?” he asked, pushing his chair in, and draining his second cup of coffee. 

“I have an appointment” he admitted, his cheeks reddening. 

“Well then I’ll come wait for a cab with you” he offered, following him out not before sending a wave to Changbin, ordering him to call him after work. Felix pretended not to see the many stares he got. “Also, can I get your number?” 

It wasn’t hard to get a cab after he typed his number into his phone, the foot traffic rather light at this time of day. It wasn’t very common for the area, but Felix was relieved either way since he would be late if he didn’t leave soon. 

“I’ll text you Felix, promise, I hope your appointment goes well” he waved through the window before walking in the opposite direction towards campus. 

“Location?” the cabbie asked.

“Yonsae-pil” he informed.


	6. Minho

The morning was rather slow, no one seeming to need or want a cab, which sucked. Minho’s pay depended on the amount of passengers he had and so far it had only been the worrisome student from before. He couldn’t really blame anyone though; he wouldn’t get into a cab by choice either. Most of the ones he had ever been in had been gross and smelled like cheese. his didn’t of course, instead it smelled like Jisung’s perfume because he insisted on buying Minho an air freshener that smelled like it so he wouldn’t miss him to much when he was working. It was sweet, but the concentrated scent gave Minho heartburn since it wasn’t subtly mixed with the natural smell of Jisung. He kept it of course, he didn’t want to hurt his baby’s feelings. So, he kept the windows cracked. 

Finally, he saw a woman standing on the sidewalk trying to get his attention. He pulled over, nodding to her politely. She looked pissed, hopefully she wouldn’t take it out on him. 

“About time, I’ve been waiting for a cab all morning” she muttered loud enough that it was obvious she wanted Minho to hear her. He just smiled and asked for her destination, which she gave a little reluctantly which Minho didn’t understand why, she was getting in a taxi, of course he didn’t already know the destination. 

He started the meter and pulled away from the curb as her phone began ringing. 

“I’m on my way, I’m sorry it’s taking so long, some people seem to think they are the only people in the universe” she said to whoever she was speaking to. It was clear she was talking about Minho, and he wasn’t going to let it bother him. “Yeah, I finally got a cab, but it seems like I chose the wrong one, it smells like a whore in here” she informed, turning her nose up. Minho’s heart froze it seemed. his throat threatening to spill words he didn’t mean except he did he just pretended he didn’t, it made the urge easier. his phone buzzed again, and the girl snorted. 

“I guess he’s cheating too, poor guy, not the boyfriend on the lock screen, no I didn’t take his phone, it light up and I saw, seems to me like he likes to show him off though I don’t see why, looks like some woodland creature you find in the woods. I almost feel bad for him, he’ll know soon enough when he comes home smelling like cheap perfume an-“ Minho hit the brakes, flinging the woman slightly forward. He cut the meter off, parking so he wasn’t in the street. 

“Get out” he ordered. 

“Excuse me?” she hissed, looking ready to slit his throat with her too long press on nails. 

“I said get out, get the fuck out of my car before I drag you out” he ordered. He knew he shouldn’t talk to her like that, but not only did she accuse Minho of cheating, but she also insulted his boyfriend. He could almost forgive the perfume comment since it wasn’t for everyone, but the other two he would not let slide. 

“No, just because you’re getting called out for being a shit human being doesn’t mean you can kick me out” she scoffed, her face reddening. 

“I am legally allowed to deny service to anyone, I also cut the meter off, so it won’t even cost you anything to just get the fuck out” he ordered, his voice surprisingly level. 

“Why?” she demanded “I did nothing wrong” she denied. 

“You accused me of cheating on my boyfriend then said my boyfriend looked like an animal, so get out” he exclaimed, not sure what she was having trouble understanding. 

“The truth hurts” she had the audacity to shrug and Minho had never wanted to lay his hands on another human being as much as he did in that moment. 

“Just, get out” he ordered, losing all his fight. 

“Fine, I hope your boyfriend dumps you” she informed. 

“Yeah, well I hope you realize what a bitch you are before you run into someone who will do more than kick you out” he hissed, barely waiting for her to shut the door before driving off. He was seething, his teeth gritted so bad it hurt his jaw. “Fuck” he muttered. He knew that was going to have repercussions. 

It wasn’t two hours later he was ordered into his boss’ cramped office, sitting in an uncomfortable plastic chair in front of his cluttered desk. 

“Do you know hour company policy Minho?” he asked casually. Minho frowned. 

“Um…no?” 

“Our company policy” he said, accentuating it by slamming his hand against the wood, “is ‘Comfortable rides with comfortable drivers’ do you know what you failed to do today?” he asked, his voice gravelly with anger. Minho was silent. “You failed to give a comfortable ride, instead, you cussed at some poor woman who was just trying to get to a lunch meeting” he informed. Minho knew this. 

“I know but-“

“I don’t want to hear it, Mr. Lee” he cut him off. 

“You don’t understand, she-“

“Are you trying to tell me she was in the wrong?” he asked in a way that demanded a no. 

“Yes!” Minho exclaimed. Mr. Jon rose an eyebrow. “She called me a piece of shit human being” he said, speaking quickly to get it all out. “She, she said my boyfriend looked like an animal and-and she said my car smelled like a whore” he could feel the uncomfortable burn behind his eyes that suggested tears. 

“Well does it?” he asked. 

“No! It smells like my boyfriend’s perfume” he exclaimed. 

“Maybe tell you boyfriend to get some new perfume then or try some cologne maybe” he sneered. Minho was taken back. “Give me your keys” he ordered. 

“What?” Minho frowned, exasperated. He expected to be told off, not fired. 

“You heard me, give me your keys, get your things, and leave” he ordered. 

“Mr. Jon I don’t understand, she was-“ 

“Minho, keys” he ordered, and Minho knew there was no arguing. He was out another job. He tossed his keys on the desk, a small part of him relived this misogynistic homophobe was no longer who he was working for, but now he had to find somewhere else to work or he’d lose the apartment he and Jisung were working so hard to pay for. 

Outside he pulled his key chain from around the rear view, smoothing out the cat stickers on the meter, which had been there before he started working. That was one of the reasons he chose that car.

He didn’t bother saying goodbye to the others as he didn’t really like them either, he just walked off the property not bothering to even look up as he sent a text.


	7. Felix

“Maybe this is a good thing” Felix was afraid he would say this. 

“But Dr. Bang, I can’t, I don’t have time for friends” he argued. He rested his chin on his knees, which were pulled to his chest, his scuffed converse creasing the leather of the chair. 

“You’re tense” he pointed out. Dr. Bang was a quiet man, rarely needing to say much but the few words he did say were more often then not extremely useful and important. Felix had noticed on his third visit the year before that he never wore suits, just jeans and button ups, sometimes he wore ties other times he didn’t bother. Today he hadn’t bothered, opting for just wearing a white pressed button up with rolled up sleeves. He had a bracelet on, one Felix often stared at when he couldn’t bring himself to look him in the eyes. It wasn’t until the man took off the bracelet one visit did Felix find out how warm and expressive his eyes were. They reminded him of brownie batter. Felix replaced his feet against the linoleum. 

The afternoon sun shone through the high windows, outlining Dr. Bang in a warm halo of gold. Damn him. 

“Don’t you want friends, Felix? You told me last week that you often get bored when your are alone, this could help” he suggested, silencing his phone as he went off beside him. 

“It won’t, it will just stress me out, more than I already am” Felix replied curtly. 

“Why are you stressed? The quarter has just begun” 

“The guy who delivered my food last night has been popping up everywhere” he informed. A concerned look darkened his features. “Like, this morning the guy who drove the cab I took to school was his boyfriend as it turns out and the guy, Hyunjin, is friends with him as well as the other guy Changbin” he shrugged. Dr. Bang nodded slowly. 

“Why has this gotten you so stressed? Remember what I said about your habit of hyper fixating on things that are much smaller than you initially thought?” he asked. Felix was silent. 

“I don’t know Dr. Bang” he shook his head. 

“Please, Felix, it’s been over a year, call me Chan” he suggested. Felix nodded absently. “Have you tried meeting this Jisung?” Felix looked at him, his gaze unwavering. 

“Of course not, when would I have the time or resources to get to know him?” Felix snapped. Dr. Bang, or Chan as he preferred, gave him an unimpressed look. “Sorry” he mumbled. 

“Don’t apologise, there’s no need to apologise for your feelings” he shook his head. Felix fell silent after that, instead staring at the different knick knacks on Chan’s desk. There were numerous colourful stress balls in a mason jar as well as a cup of dice beside it. He also had a cup of pens and an organizer full of multicoloured paper. “Did you think he was attractive?” he spoke up, the question catching Felix off guard. 

“Not really, he looked like a squirrel, or a quokka” he shrugged. Another slow nod. Felix left out the part about how he hadn’t found anyone attractive ever since the day he was first welcomed into his office with the promise of help. Chan would just tell him that he believed he was in love with Chan because he was the most stable figure in his life at the moment or something equally disheartening. “Hyunjin said maybe we were platonic soulmates” he murmured, sucking his lip into his mouth. 

“You, or at least part of you is considering the idea, maybe subconsciously your brain his urging you to gain companionship in some way and these people you have run into, the ones who know this Jisung, have in some way been brought into your life because you wanted them to be, deep down you wanted friends so your mind has made it so you put yourself in the path of these people who are connected to this person you desperately want to befriend. You said you wanted to ask him if he were okay, but before you could he was walking away. Last week, you told be about how you almost had an anxiety attack because you had to call for someone to fix your sink” Of course Chan would pick this apart until he convinced him to grab onto the life saver hovering above his head. He was his therapist after all, he was there to make Felix better. His job to bring Felix out of his head until he didn’t disappear into it anymore. But god did he have to be so good at it? 

“I don’t think I follow” Felix lied. 

“The taxi you got into this morning, is it always parked outside your building?” Chan asked and Felix had to think for moment. He didn’t really remember; his eyes were more often than not trained on his feet as he walked. But when he thought about it, he normally did have to go between the yellow car and one of the tenants to cross the street. But there was no way it was the same one, except the keychain hanging from the rear view had seemed oddly familiar, as though he had seen it before. Which he had, every morning when he walked to campus. He didn’t even remember why he chose to take a cab that morning, did part of him remember that class was earlier or was he seriously trying to find friends. He nodded. 

“Why did you decided to get into it today?” Chan asked, he had always had the ability it seemed, to read his mind or at least his face. 

“I don’t know, I just remembered seeing it and then getting in” he admitted. 

“Like I said, maybe this is a good thing” he suggested softly. Felix nodded. 

“But what if it isn’t, what if I end up alone again, alone and hurting?” he asked quietly, wrapping his arms around himself. 

“Felix, there is no way to know unless you try, hurting and growing from that hurt is apart of life, you can’t avoid living your life because your scared of it” maybe it was the sincerity in the way he said it that brought the tears to his eyes, or maybe it was the fact that Felix knew he was right again that made the lump in his throat grow, but his vision was blurring none the less. 

“Okay” he nodded, wiping his nose on the back on the inside of his shirt. “I’ll give them a chance, I won’t push them away this time” he decided, brushing away the tears that fell down his cheeks. Chan looked pleased by this decision, pushing a box of tissues towards him. 

The first day Felix had ever come into the office was a day Chan would more than likely never forget. He had been in a bad mood having woken up late, his alarm clock’s batteries dying during the night. It was Eric’s fault for suggesting the clock anyway, but he hadn’t been worried about that, he had just been worried about getting to work before his first appointment. He knew Woosung, his first patient, had been going through a rough patch recently and he really didn’t want to miss it, that would be bad on both parties. Woosung would continue having a bad time and Chan would worry if he were taking his medicine all week. He rarely prescribed drugs to his patients since he knew that was just a way to avoid the problem instead of facing it considering the same feelings would be there after it wore off, but Woosung had been an anxiety ridden mess, his breath permanently caught in his throat it seemed. Luckily for him though, Woosung was running a bit late too, so he suggested they move the meeting to eleven instead of ten for the day, eleven was his lunch break so he never had appointments then. 

The day had been uphill from there, he met with Woosung and gave him some helpful tips for when he was feeling pressured or like he couldn’t breathe properly, Woosung talked about what had been bothering him the past few weeks and he looked genuinely better once he left. He managed to eat some yoghurt before his next appointment, starting at twelve-ten, so he wouldn’t be such a mess, and his boss had told him that one of his patients had decided their next meeting would be their last because she felt like he truly didn’t need him anymore. Normally, when people decided to stop going to therapy it was often times met with worry and somewhat reluctantly, if someone seemed to need serious help you never wanted them to opt out of getting it, but Yeji had been getting better, she was always smiling these days, a real breath-taking smile, and her stories from her week were always happy. He was actually elated she was making her own decisions instead of letting her parents or boyfriend do it for her. He stilled made sure she had his contact, just in case. And finally, twelve-ten rolled around, and his door was pushed open. Kevin, the man who worked the front desk, giving people directions and general help, walked in, a small pixie-ish boy in tow. He had bubble-gum hair and freckles so prominent he could see them from where he sat at his deck, which he immediately stood up from to greet him. 

He already looked like he was ready to leave, his eyes darting around the room as though he was mapping out escape routes. There weren’t any, his office was on the fourth floor, but he also looked like he wouldn’t be opposed to breaking the window for a quick getaway if Chan so much as moved to quickly. 

“Nice to meet you, I’m Dr. Bang, but people usually call me Chan” he offered his hand to shake and Felix took it, more than likely out of obligation. He didn’t want to be seen as rude. He mumbled his name then, not meeting his eyes. He had taken a seat in the black leather chair he perched in every meeting, when he wasn’t pacing that is, trying to curl in on himself, trying to disappear. This wasn’t quite normal behaviour, normally new patients look around the room, get a sense of where they will be joining him for until further notice.

But everyone was different.

“Can you tell me a little bit about yourself?” he asked once Kevin left. The question was met with silence, the kind that swarmed around you and took your voice so you couldn’t interrupt it. It was okay though, Chan could wait.


	8. Minho

The café was quite empty for such a prime time of day, the sun the highest it was going to get before it made it’s calming descent for the day, casting warm light in through the windows, spotlighting dust particles that no one minded because they looked to much like sparkles. He was aware his tea was getting cold, but he couldn’t bother to drink it as he stared out the window he was seated at. He was able to see past the logo on the glass to see into the street, watching as leaves fell, blown by a phantom wind. He took a tentative sip and hummed, pleasantly surprised by the warm taste, the mint not to overbearing so he could still taste the chamomile. The door opened and along with it came a wave of cool air that chilled his exposed ankles from where he had his pants cuffed. 

“Sorry I’m late, traffic was horrible”. 

“It’s okay Chan-hyung, I’m not worried” he nodded with a smile. He really wasn’t. In fact, Minho felt as though he should be the one apologizing. He called upon Chan to leave his job, his well paying and successful job might he add, just to hear his problems. 

“So what’s the matter, your brows are furrowed” he pointed out. Minho scoffed but relaxed none the less. 

“I was uh, fired” he managed to say with only a mild tremor in his voice. Chan’s face fell. 

“Oh, Min”

“And Jisung and I have been on the outs recently, I don’t want to tell him, I can’t he’ll be so disappointed” he shook his head, staring hard at his tea. 

“Well, why were you fired anyway?” Chan spoke up, smiling in a way he hoped would calm his friend. his job was to help people, to make them feel comfortable when they were going through it but when it came to his friends? It was almost like he was blind to their coping mechanisms. He had patients he had memorized, patients he knew like the back of his hands. He could calm them down, make them feel better, before they could even ask for advice but with Minho? They had been best friends for as long as he could remembered, and it still shocked him to see him upset. 

“It was this woman, she got in the car and like said I was cheating on Sung because the car smelled like a whore”.

“Doesn’t the car smell like Jisung’s perfume?” Chan interrupted, to which Minho nodded gravely. 

“Then my phone went off and I guess she saw my lock screen and said Jisung looked like an animal or something, I know he looks like a little squirrel, but I think it’s cute, I’ve never met someone who didn’t you know? So I kicked her out and I guess she called my boss” he shrugged but the tears in his eyes proved that it wasn’t just a shoulder shrug. Chan wasn’t good at taking away his friend’s unease, but he was able to see that Minho felt like his life was crumbling down around him and he was close to a complete breakdown. 

“Hey, look at the bright side, you don’t have to chauffeur around horrible people during the day” Chan smiled, ducking down to catch a glimpse of Minho’s face. It didn’t look like his remark helped much. 

“But today this guy got into my cab for the first time in the many months I’ve been parking outside his apartment building and I thought he was late but what if he was just tired of walking? What if he needs a ride tomorrow and I’m not there?” Minho asked, clearly barely holding it together. 

“Don’t worry about it Minho, don’t get worked up over this small thing, if it makes any better, use your own car and park outside it, if he doesn’t get in then don’t worry about it, while you wait you can look for another job. There are plenty places hiring around the city, or hey, you can come work for me, be my assistant, Kevin isn’t even my assistant, he’s Jacob’s” he suggested. Minho shook his head. 

“Good idea, I’ll go over their tomorrow morning, and look for a job” he nodded, disregarding Chan’s suggestion fog working for him. 

The two were quiet, Chan nursing his hot coffee and Minho staring out the window, watching people walk by the café. It wasn’t until their empty cups were gathered with an offer of refills did Minho speak up again. 

“Do you think we’re meant to be together?” he asked, not bothering to look away from the window. 

“Minho, you know I love you but you’re not my type” he teased. Minho quirked a smile, but it was sad, and it made Chan’s heart hurt. 

“Not us, I couldn’t get rid of you if I tried, I meant Jisung and me” he turned to him now, looking him in his eyes as though he would be able to tell if he was lying. 

“Minho, you and Jisung, you two are both amazing people and when your together? It’s like watching a fairy tale, you two fit together so well. But sometimes, fairy tales end and when that happens, amazing people get hurt, I’m not going to say you two don’t work so you should end it, what I’m saying is I’m not who you need to ask” it didn’t take a rocket scientist to know Chan meant he should ask Jisung. Part of Minho hated Chan for saying that, for reminding him of what he already knew. But he couldn’t help being grateful, if Chan didn’t tell him, who would? He sure as hell wouldn’t. 

“What if he-what if I don’t like his answer?” 

“Then you know it’s worth fighting for”. 

Chan’s words resonated through his head the rest of the day, even as he set up candy displays and took orders. The whole time he was playing out scenarios, all of which ending with Minho broken. He knew his imagination was worse than what it really would be, but part of him couldn’t help thinking. What if? What if he asks Jisung if they’ll figure things out and Jisung just laughs at him and leaves? What if Jisung doesn’t even answer just gathers his things? What if Jisung isn’t event here when he gets home and won’t come back? Each thought dampened his mood, weighed him down more and he just wasn’t sure if he was strong enough to carry it anymore.


	9. Felix

Did Felix intend on putting effort into the relationship he was thrown into with Hyunjin? Not at first, definitely not at first. But after talking to Chan, always after talking to Chan, he realized what a bad idea that was. He was so worried about getting hurt himself that he completely forgot that Hyunjin had feelings too and would probably feel bad if Felix wrote him off as just a way to get notes and a good grade for evaluation. He hadn’t thought of it that way and although he was still hesitant to go into this new found friendship with everything he had, he could at least start with answering Hyunjin’s (multiple) texts. 

At first he had messaged him under the preface of making sure he had his number as well, but then he followed it up with a ‘text me when you’re done’ then an apology since he already said that, then another apology for continuing to text him when he was busy, then another apology for apologizing so much. It was a long chain of sorry’s until he finally said he would stop bothering him on the eighth text he sent. It would’ve been annoying if Felix didn’t find it somewhat amusing. He hadn’t expected Hyunjin to tell him to wait for him, that his class was almost over, and they could study some more. He agreed, sure he normally liked to go home and be alone after his sessions, but the feeling of not being alone was just too great to pass up. So, he walked back to the same café from before, texting Hyunjin to meet him there, before going in and ordering another tea. Changbin was still working and decided to strike up a conversation with him, a little nerve wracking but he participated none the less. 

He learned that Hyunjin and him had tried dating the previous year; it had seemed to make sense at the time, they found each other attractive and they were so close as it was, adding a label wouldn’t change things. And it didn’t, they literally did everything friends did, so it was basically just a way to keep each other from dating others. They both felt trapped by the notion of being boyfriends and eventually decided it was pointless since they saw each other as brothers more than partners. Felix nodded along, unsure why he was telling him such things upon first meeting him. It had taken a few weeks for Felix to even tell Chan about where he grew up, and it was his job to hear personal things about him! Fortunately, Hyunjin arrived a little later, stopping Changbin from saying anything else personal. He couldn’t help thinking this was just who they were, remembering how before Hyunjin has told him about Jisung’s, someone he didn’t know despite knowing many people around them, relationship troubles. 

“I don’t feel like studying, honestly” Hyunjin announced while he waited for Changbin to make him a coffee. Felix just nodded. He didn’t know what to do in this situation. He didn’t know what friends did; he had an idea but not really. 

“Want to go People Watching?” he asked, the way he said should’ve sounded creepy but instead it sounded like a game. 

“What’s that?” he asked, not quite sure if he wanted to know the answer. 

“Exactly what it sounds like, we sit in the square and watch people, it was a exercise I used to do when I was in drama in high school, it’s like character dissection except you decide what your dissection is. You see, you don’t know what’s happened in people’s lives that led them to this moment, all you have is what they look like and what they are doing, and you take that and run with it” Felix still looked unsure, so Hyunjin took it upon himself to make an example, choosing a man sitting in the table they occupied that morning, he was wearing a suit, but his tie was loose, and he looked tired. 

“He’s having marital issues, met his wife in high school, believed they would be together forever. Until he caught her in bed with his boss, now it’s awkward at the office and hostile at home so he escapes to this café where he uses the time to file” Hyunjin decided and it sounded so real as though he had known this man for years, as though he was the mans confident. 

“Wow” was all Felix mustered as Hyunjin grabbed his coffee then Felix’s hand and pulled him out the door. 

The wind seemed to have calmed down since that morning, as though it was accommodating their comfort as they sat on one of the benches on campus, right in front of the music hall. People were going in and out the building constantly, making it kind of hard to know who Hyunjin was making up stories about, but he managed to follow. 

“That girl, the one with the pink highlights, no, the one with the yellow skirt” he pointed out; she was standing on the sidewalk, smiling excitedly at her phone as her fingers moved across the key pad quickly. 

“Her best friend, the one she’s secretly in love with, just got a boyfriend, she’s trying her best to be happy for her, but she can’t help but be a little sad because she has to watch who she believes to be the love of her life, go through the motions of falling in and out of love again. She’s gotten good at hiding it but it’s getting harder and harder” he decided. Felix frowned. All of the stories he’s sculpted around these people always seemed to be sad, he had yet to hear one that didn’t make him want to swear off human interaction. 

“Hyunjin?” he spoke up, interrupting his search for another target. “Why are none of these happy?” he asked. In the time he spent with Hyunjin, he was slowly becoming more comfortable with talking and speaking up, he wouldn’t tell him to stop making them sad, but he was at least able to ask why they were. 

“The sad ones are more realistic, no one’s ever truly happy so why would I pretend they are?” he replied. This made something deep inside Felix react to this, something that he couldn’t explain but felt much like salt being poured into an open wound. It made him want to pull away from the hands holding him in a tight embrace, the same embrace that held him together most days but felt like it was a little to tight today. 

“But that girl did look happy, very happy” Felix pointed out. 

“She was crying, Felix”


	10. Minho

“Some guy as for you today” Minho informed quietly as he sat bags of groceries down on the counter.

“I’m not cheating on you if that’s what your implying” he muttered, staring hard at his laptop. 

“No, what? Why? I wasn’t accusing you of cheating, Sung, the guy was just asking if you were okay because last night when you brought him his food he said you looked upset” he set about putting the groceries away, not in the mood for an argument. Luckily, one didn’t come as Jisung was silent as he typed. Normally he would ask for some help, but lately, he felt like suggesting anything was just going to cause a disruption it their usually peaceful home. He hated fighting with Jisung, hated seeing him upset, but it felt like he was always on edge and the smallest thing would push him over. 

“How was your day?” Jisung suddenly asked, moving so that he was leaning against the back of the couch, watching Minho put things away. 

“It was okay, I was almost late to the candy shop because this women kept changing her location on me, but other than that it was a pretty simple day, what about yours? I know you told Changbin you weren’t feeling well” he smiled. 

“Yeah, I woke up with a really bad headache and I felt like throwing up when I moved to fast, but I’m fine now” he nodded. Minho wanted to scream. This wasn’t them; this wasn’t how they were. They never asked about each other’s days because the want to know was already known that they just spoke about it. Jisung always greets him at the door, taking whatever he has in his hands from him so he can sit it down somewhere and tackled him in a hug that reminded Minho go much of home. They didn’t ask how each was in separate rooms, it felt so hollow and it made Minho want to throw a fit and demand things go back to normal because their seemed to be a permanent lump in his throat and it was going to suffocate him if he didn’t get rid of t soon. his vision seemed permanently blurred by tears and Jisung didn’t look good in water colour. He preferred seeing him in oil paint, bold and permanent, but lately it didn’t feel permanent. He felt like Jisung was slipping through the cracks in his fingers, no matter how tight he held him he was still drifting away. 

“Do you want some help?” Jisung spoke up at the sight of Minho standing in the middle of their shared kitchen holding a carton of eggs, his eyes glassy. He could only nod to avoid a complete breakdown, not trusting his voice not to crack. 

Jisung walked over, taking the carton from his hands, carefully placing it in the fridge, before speaking. 

“Hyung, we need to talk” he said softly. 

“Oh” he Minho’s warbled reply, sounding broken. He wasn’t ready for this, he didn’t want them to break, not because of some silly arguments. Recently, though, the arguments didn’t feel all that silly. They felt raw and fuelled by too long nights and too little time to spend together. 

“Lately, things have been a bit…rough” Jisung started, leading the older man to the couch. Minho just nodded. “We’ve been at each others throats every day it seems, and I don’t like that. I don’t like yelling and fighting, don’t like seeing you so upset” he continued. With each word Minho could feel his heart chipping. He knew where the was going, having dealt with it before, but none of those times hurt like this. None of those made him feel like he was losing not just them, but himself too. his home. 

“I think we need to take some time to…focus on ourselves” there it was, that god awful sentence that seemed to single handily rip out his heart and stomp it into the ground. “We’re not breaking up, I just think it’s best if I find somewhere else to stay for a little while, gather out bearings and not worry about walking on eggshells around one another. We can make our decisions without having to worry about how they affect each other” he decided. Minho’s chest felt like it was caving in on his ribs. 

“What?” he asked dumbly, his voice cracking. He swallowed against the lump in his throat, but it was persistent, a few ears fell. 

“We’ll still talk, we can text and call, even go out, but it’s best if we have our own spaces at the moment, just to get things together” Jisung smiled and Minho knew it was forced. There was no way this wasn’t breaking him just as much as it was breaking himself. “Hey, don’t cry, it’ll be okay” Jisung promised, wiping his cheeks gently. That was the first time they had touched in a little over a week. “It’ll just be a few days, weeks maybe, I don’t know, I just need some time to remind myself why I’m here” that sentence was maybe what broke the dam that Minho had up the past month as everything spilled out at once. He forgot why he was with Minho. He thought that was obvious, because they loved each other, but he guessed not. Jisung pulled him into a hug, whispering in his ear that it would be okay that it was all going to be fine, just give them some time.

Minho didn’t need time! He needed Jisung to start talking to him, communicating with him about his feelings so they wouldn’t be here. Minho’s life wouldn’t be in shambles right now if they would just communicate. 

“Don’t go, we can-we can work things out, I promise” Minho pleaded. He was tired of everyone leaving and for once he had believed he found someone who wouldn’t, but here they were, standing on either sides of a bridge that both refused to cross. Minho could feel the heat of the flames as it threatened to catch fire and he didn’t want that. If it caught he knew there would be no way that he could get across it before it was ash and he burned with it. 

“Just a few days, I’ll text you every morning and call you whenever I can, we can spend hour breaks together, it’ll be like when we first started dating, you were happy then, you’ll be happy now” Minho couldn’t tell him that he was happy then because they were progressing into their relationship, right not they were just walking backwards on a treadmill. It didn’t work, they weren’t going anywhere but Jisung was. Jisung was leaving just like everyone else and the sad thing was, Minho blamed himself.


	11. Felix

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter gets a little smutty so if you want you can skip and I'll summarize it in the beginning of the next chapter : ) Also let me know if anything is confusing with the way it's set up and I'll try to make it easier to read if any problems arise

It was a curious thing, returning home after a day of people around people, engaging in conversations only to find yourself in utter solitude upon returning home. Felix couldn’t honestly say it was unwelcomed though. A lot had happened throughout the day and all he could really ask for was some time to sleep, having already eaten out with Hyunjin and Changbin. He had also gotten Changbin’s number in the midst of it so now he officially had two new friends, a study partner, and a dance partner. It was crazy to think just yesterday the only person he ever really talked to was his therapist. 

Speaking of Dr. Bang, well Chan, Felix had been thinking about what he said, the desperately wanting friends thing. Putting himself in the way of people that he believed would be good company. He didn’t buy it, at least not completely. It was like Hyunjin’s platonic soulmates theory, it was just too magical a thought to comprehend. How was he supposed to know the driver of the taxi was Jisung’s boyfriend? Or Hyunjin and Changbin were his friends? Honestly, meeting all three of them the day directly after made him feel like a stalker of some sort. It was weird how he suddenly knew all these people in his life without knowing him. At least he understood why he wasn’t in the best mood the day prior. 

The sun had long ago set, leaving behind long shadows and slivers of moonlight that peeked through his window, seemingly highlighting his inability to actually get to sleep. his body was exhausted, but there were so many things running rampant in his head that it was hard to turn it off. The main one sticking out being Chan himself. 

He was the best therapist Felix had ever had, that’s for sure. It was under his guidance that he had dropped the habit of peeling the skin off his lips when he got anxious or nervous, which happened to much his mouth was always red and sore. It seemed small but Felix had been doing that for years and Chan put a stop to it within months. It seemed as though he could read Felix, made him feel like he was a mere book on the man’s shelf he picked up and spread open every once in a while to touch over pages he had memorized long before. A favourite book, one he only put down because he had too. Felix sometimes wished he were a book so he would find out what it was like to be held in Chan’s hands. They were larger, larger than his own at least, and when he picked something up, you could read his veins like brail. Felix often imagined what it would be like to have those hand on him, pressing bruises into his skin, pressing against his throat hard enough to heighten his need to breathe but not enough to cut him off completely. He had these thoughts at the most inconvenient times though, like when he’s actually in his office, curled up in his leather chair that always smelled like perfume, sweet and flowery. Felix didn’t know if it was a patients perfume of if that was just what it smelled like. It could be a girlfriends perfume too, but Felix doubted he was the type of guy to bring whoever he was dating to his office, especially when he was in that line of work. The smell didn’t make him mad or jealous, it just reminded him of Chan now. Whenever he smelled something similar, Chan would resurface in his mind and perch on his nerve endings making him feel surrounded by the thought of him. 

Chan would call it unhealthy. 

He would also say the discomfort in his pants wasn’t because of him, but because he was pent up. He only had sex once and it was with some girl he met at a party after getting extremely drunk on a particularly rough night during final exams the year before. She had been too soft and loud, god she was so loud, and he doubted she even enjoyed it since he had never done it before. He know he didn’t. 

But now? There was no loud girl with soft, clean shaven legs and breath smelling as though it would catch on fire if she so much as breathed in the direction of gasoline. Felix’s breath had probably been just as bad, maybe even worse who knew? That didn’t matter, what mattered was that he was alone, alone with thoughts of Chan doing unspeakable things to him as he begged for more. He’d feel guilty later, getting off to thoughts of his therapist who had a strict doctor-patient relationship with him, but in the moment, as he wrapped his hand around the base of his too hard cock, he didn’t care. He just wanted the feeling gone and hopefully after he could sleep. 

He drug his hand slowly to the tip, the drag a little rough but he didn’t mind, it would take mere seconds before he was dripping precum anyway. After a few minutes of that, he pulled his hand away so he could pull his shorts the rest of the way off, spreading his legs enough so he could reach between them and prod at his hole. 

It was easy to slip the first two in, pulling in and out slowly, but by the third, he could feel the stretch and that only made him feel better, the slight sting heightening the pleasure he was currently administering to his cock and he could feel his impending orgasm fast approaching. A few more seconds and he would be coming. He didn’t want to, not yet, so he easily took all of his stimulation away. It was a trick he had learned back in high school. He wasn’t sure how he learned it, probably from some sketchy porn site he managed to sneak onto without the nuns that ran the school finding out. Or maybe he had picked it up from the countless time he had been so close only for a roommate to make some noise in their sleep startling him enough to jerk his hand from under the waistband of his pants and wait with his heart pounding in his ears, for any signal that they were awake. 

He wasn’t sure but it was the best feeling, in his opinion, to control such a thing. In his fifteen-year-old mind, when you touched yourself you came and there was no way to stop it, it just happened. But now? As a twenty-year-old Felix bucked his hips in the air in search of anything to tip him over the edge, he realised, well, that’s just not the case. Maybe that’s why he liked it so much, the control he had over it. Everything in life seemed to be out of his hands at all times, but when he was alone like this, this was in his hands, he could control this and that feeling was almost as euphoric as being touched after waiting for yourself to calm down. The slight tenderness he had when he wrapped his hand around his length again after he was sure he wouldn’t burst apart at the smallest touch, his inability to touch the tip after he did it a couple times because it was a little too sensitive and if he did he would come immediately. 

As he lay there, waiting to calm down for the third time, his eyes slowly growing heavier at the exertion, he couldn’t help imagining it was Chan doing this to him. Pulling him close just to push any thoughts of release away as he let him go. The thought lit coals in his stomach as his cock throbbed against his abdomen. He imagined Chan’s hand wrapped around him, his fingers pressed deep inside of him, whispering things in his ear, telling him how he such a good boy, so good at taking him and not begging to come because he knew Chan would never leave him hanging. It didn’t take long for Felix to realize he wouldn’t need to touch himself again, at least not tonight, to come as he let out a weak whimper of surprise and came. He pressed his face into the pillows as his body shook, wrapping his hand around his cock once more, jerking until he was an overstimulated mess. It hurt to keep touching but it only made the coals burn brighter. Eventually, when his vision grew blurry through tears he let go. 

He knew it was gross to just fall asleep like that, against sweaty sheets with drying come on his stomach, but he could barely move a muscle. He promised himself after a few minutes of steady breathing he would get up and change the sheets and at least wiped himself down with a wash cloth. 

Felix didn’t get up again until his alarm ordered him too


End file.
